Why is everyone else having fun?

Well at least it seems that way.  I’m either at work, or at school or working on something for work or school.  I am tired.  This time of year never used to bother me, but last year was one of the worst for me in terms of anxiety and depression.  And now this year it’s starting again, and it worries me.

I am doing my best to stay active.  I am trying something new, to get up early to do some sort of activity, even if it’s only 20 minutes of yoga.  Because I get done work at 5, and if I don’t have a class I just want to come home and curl up in a ball. Which means most of the time I don’t work out at all.  So I have been searching online about working out in the morning; make it a daily habit, takes 30 days consistently to make a habit, start with shorter workouts, alternate different types of activity.  I’ll give it a try, because I know if I can stay active that will help with how I feel emotionally.

And I need to plan regular, fun stuff.  Life can get pretty depressing if all you do is work.  One weekend hanging out with friends can really boost my mood.  But sometimes, just making the effort to do fun stuff seems almost insurmountable. (big sigh here)

Progress so far on the 30 day habit!  Monday was day one, did yoga for 30 minutes.  This morning, woke at 3 am thanks to the cat, was awake for almost 2 hours, ended up sleeping in too late to do anything before work. Ok, so I’m at 50% so far, that’s a passing grade!  Ha!  Day three tomorrow… or is it day one again since I wasn’t consistent??

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Taking a few steps back

I have been struggling the last few months, with several things.  This is all my own fault though.  Sometimes I think I can do it all.  I can do that run, I can take that class, I can help that friend, I can do that extra work, I can do it!!!  I’ve been here before, welcome to burn out.

I work fulltime and I am also in school part-time working on a degree.  This year I signed up to do 4 half courses, two each term.  I knew I was in trouble after the first week, I was already behind in the reading.  I had assumed (mistakenly) that an online course would be less time then actually going to the university to do attend a class.  WRONG.

I ran a half-marathon this past spring, rode in a two-day 150k bike tour and ran a few other 10k runs.  I thought I could run another half-marathon this fall, no problem.  I have run two in a year before, and I run fairly consistently.  Piece of cake, right?  WRONG.

Last week I found myself sitting on the couch in tears, feeling like a failure.  I wanted to drop a class and drop out of the half-marathon.  What a loser.  Not sure why I still talk to myself this way.  I would never speak that way to a friend that was feeling exhausted and overwhelmed and needed to cut back on things.

This weekend I am feeling more relaxed and happy about the decisions I’ve made.  I had a number of good friends tell me what a good thing I was doing taking a few steps back.  Even the academic advisor told me it was better to drop the course then struggle and possibly not do very well.  For a young woman in her 20s, she had a lot of wisdom to share with this 40something.

So that’s it.  Sometimes you just gotta take a few steps back and get some rest.  I’m not sure at what point in my life I equated resting with being lazy.  But it can’t be such a bad thing, when I’m feeling so much relief!  And I have more time to post on my blog.