Today is two weeks since the accident. Although I wasn’t critically injured by the accident, I’m still very sore. I am still surprised by how tired I am, not sure I thought about how I’d feel later after the accident. Once I realized I was still alive and not paralyzed that was all that mattered. That moment was so surreal and I felt numb emotionally, I’ve been told that is shock. Hearing my friend scream out my name still rings in my ears.
But I have to back up to what the last year or better has been like. I haven’t posted because I was disengaged from everything. The depression I started feeling over a year ago didn’t just linger but it slowly got worse. Fall of last year I ‘gave in’ and went to my doctor for help. That turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time. After that, I quit school… at least for now. I could not remember why I started working on the degree, and was so exhausted that it felt overwhelming to try and continue.
Fast forward to mid-January this year and I really started to get my groove back. I started to run again, went back to martial arts and was eating well. I went to someone to share how I was feeling and to get additional support. I even started meditating! I was doing all the things I needed to do to take care of myself.
And then, I got hit by a car. I learned that I can endure a lot of pain. I learned that my initial reaction to the driver was not anger, that was a shock to me! And I learned in spite of the pain and hassle of doctor appointments and insurance paperwork I can still be happy. I shudder to think how I would have felt a year ago if this happened, when I wasn’t doing such a great job of taking care of myself.
Don’t get me wrong, this has been a painful and stressful experience. And I have hours of physio and other appointments ahead of me. I am also concerned about this major interruption in my workout routine… walking is exhausting right now! Now that I know I was able to bring myself back from depression because I asked for help, that’s the way I can recover from this, to rely on others for help. There’s no medal for going through any of this alone.