Still NOT dieting

I eat what I want, when I want.  I admit for over a year, I didn’t make the healthiest food choices.  And I gained 27 pounds.  Some people may find that unbearable.  But for me, facing another failed diet was unbearable to me.  Just could not do it anymore.  The calorie counting, point counting, tracking, weighing, measuring, fretting over a one pound gain, and crying because those new pants I bought last month are now too tight!!

Now I have freedom from all that nonsense.  My doctor wasn’t impressed by my weight gain, but when I explained to her that I have spent most of my life with disordered eating patterns she let go of the diet advice.  I asked her once directly how could I successfully lose weight and keep it off for good.  She mentioned something about the Mediterranean diet but was not able to offer any evidence that it works in the long term.

My weight has been very stable the last couple years and only fluctuates a pound or two. I’m currently forced into inactivity due to my accident and I’m not panicked like I used to about potential weight gain.

My eating habits are improved now, but I focus on nutrition AND taste.  I am NEVER eating kale, and please don’t tell me how great it is in smoothie, I can taste it in there… BLECH!

I am proof there is life after dieting. For me it took a long time to transition from a dieter to a non-dieter.  But I am also in my 40s and went on my first diet as a child.  If someone wants to diet, I would never discourage them because it’s none of my business.  But likewise, I wish people would cease with dispensing the diet advice.  The no-sugar thing seems to be the trend of the month.  I like sugar, I’m gonna keep eating it.  If dieting taught me one thing, the moment I restrict myself from eating something then that’s all I want.

Now excuse me while I go eat a pop tart.

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What getting hit by a car taught me…

Today is two weeks since the accident. Although I wasn’t critically injured by the accident, I’m still very sore.  I am still surprised by how tired I am, not sure I thought about how I’d feel later after the accident.  Once I realized I was still alive and not paralyzed that was all that mattered.  That moment was so surreal and I felt numb emotionally, I’ve been told that is shock. Hearing my friend scream out my name still rings in my ears.

But I have to back up to what the last year or better has been like.  I haven’t posted because I was disengaged from everything.  The depression I started feeling over a year ago didn’t just linger but it slowly got worse.  Fall of last year I ‘gave in’ and went to my doctor for help.  That turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time.  After that, I quit school… at least for now.  I could not remember why I started working on the degree, and was so exhausted that it felt overwhelming to try and continue.

Fast forward to mid-January this year and I really started to get my groove back.  I started to run again, went back to martial arts and was eating well. I went to someone to share how I was feeling and to get additional support. I even started meditating!  I was doing all the things I needed to do to take care of myself.

And then, I got hit by a car.  I learned that I can endure a lot of pain.  I learned that my initial reaction to the driver was not anger, that was a shock to me!  And I learned in spite of the pain and hassle of doctor appointments and insurance paperwork I can still be happy.  I shudder to think how I would have felt a year ago if this happened, when I wasn’t doing such a great job of taking care of myself.

Don’t get me wrong, this has been a painful and stressful experience.  And I have hours of physio and other appointments ahead of me.  I am also concerned about this major interruption in my workout routine… walking is exhausting right now!  Now that I know I was able to bring myself back from depression because I asked for help, that’s the way I can recover from this, to rely on others for help.  There’s no medal for going through any of this alone.